George Burns

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

— George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

— George Burns

How can I die? I'm booked.

— George Burns

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

— George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

— George Burns

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

— George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

— George Burns

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

— George Burns

Life's but a day at most.

— George Burns

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

— George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

— George Burns

I did have a talent—and I was married to her for 38 years.

— George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

— George Burns

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

— George Burns

If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.

— George Burns

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired.

— George Burns

If I’d taken my doctor’s advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn’t have lived to go to his funeral.

— George Burns