Jim Gaffigan

Email has made sending regular mail such a chore. “Wait, I stick it in an envelope and now I gotta go outside? What am I, a triathelete?”

— Jim Gaffigan

Nowadays, when you get a handwritten letter in the mail you’re like, “What? Has someone been kidnapped!?” “Well, I’m not opening it, it’s probably filled with anthrax.”

— Jim Gaffigan