Max Shulman

A person can choose his friends and select a wife, but he has only one mother, I always say. The trouble with many of us is that we don't appreciate our mothers. I think that a certain day should be set aside each year and dedicated to mothers. It could be called "Mother's Day."

— Max Shulman

People will come up to you on the street and say, "Does a paramecium beat its flagella?" or "How many wheels has a fiacre?" or "When does an oryx mate?" and if you have not been to college, you simply cannot answer them.

— Max Shulman