Helen Rowland

Failing to be there when a man wants her is a woman's greatest sin, except to be there when he doesn't want her.

— Helen Rowland

One man's folly is often another man's wife.

— Helen Rowland

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.

— Helen Rowland

Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.

— Helen Rowland

A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.

— Helen Rowland

A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.

— Helen Rowland

The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.

— Helen Rowland

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

— Helen Rowland

What a man calls his conscience is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.

— Helen Rowland

When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.

— Helen Rowland

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

— Helen Rowland

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.

— Helen Rowland

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

— Helen Rowland

A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

— Helen Rowland

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little personal characteristics.

— Helen Rowland

To make a man perfectly happy tell him he works too hard, that he spends too much money, that he is misunderstood or that he is different; none of this is necessarily complimentary, but it will flatter him infinitely more that merely telling him that he is brilliant, or noble, or wise, or good.

— Helen Rowland

Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.

— Helen Rowland

The hardest task of a girl's life, nowadays, is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.

— Helen Rowland

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her -- when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?

— Helen Rowland

Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.

— Helen Rowland

Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.

— Helen Rowland

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

— Helen Rowland

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

— Helen Rowland

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts and his higher nature -- and another woman to help him forget them.

— Helen Rowland

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

— Helen Rowland

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense.

— Helen Rowland

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

— Helen Rowland

It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.

— Helen Rowland

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

— Helen Rowland

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

— Helen Rowland

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

— Helen Rowland

Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.

— Helen Rowland

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

— Helen Rowland

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men of her acquaintance for the inattention of just one.

— Helen Rowland

There's so much saint in the worst of them, and so much devil in the best of them, that a woman who's married to one of them, has nothing to learn of the rest of them.

— Helen Rowland

There are only two kinds of men; the dead and the deadly.

— Helen Rowland

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son -- and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

— Helen Rowland

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

— Helen Rowland

A fool and her money are soon courted.

— Helen Rowland

The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

— Helen Rowland

Call the bald man, Boy; make the sage thy toy; greet the youth with solemn face; praise the fat man for his grace.

— Helen Rowland

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.

— Helen Rowland

No man can understand why a woman shouldn't prefer a good reputation to a good time.

— Helen Rowland

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.

— Helen Rowland

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.

— Helen Rowland

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

— Helen Rowland

A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.

— Helen Rowland

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

— Helen Rowland

No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a Master of Arts and a Doctor of Philosophy after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.

— Helen Rowland

Woman! The peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch, and the sinner his justification!

— Helen Rowland

From the day on which she weighs 140, the chief excitement of a woman's life consists in spotting [people] who are fatter than she is.

— Helen Rowland

Marriage is the operation by which a woman’s vanity and a man’s egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

— Helen Rowland

One man’s folly is another man’s wife.

— Helen Rowland

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

— Helen Rowland

At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, “not so old”; and at fifty, positively skittish.

— Helen Rowland

Variety is the spice of love.

— Helen Rowland