Dorothy Parker

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

— Dorothy Parker

They sicken at the calm that know the storm.

— Dorothy Parker

I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.

— Dorothy Parker

Art is a form of catharsis.

— Dorothy Parker

All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.

— Dorothy Parker

This book is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

— Dorothy Parker

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires.

— Dorothy Parker

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

— Dorothy Parker

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

— Dorothy Parker

Where's the man could ease a heart, like a satin gown?

— Dorothy Parker

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

— Dorothy Parker

Why is it no one ever sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.

— Dorothy Parker

I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.

— Dorothy Parker

Gratitude -- the meanest and most sniveling attribute in the world.

— Dorothy Parker

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

— Dorothy Parker

I can't talk about Hollywood. It was a horror to me when I was there and it's a horror to look back on. I can't imagine how I did it. When I got away from it I couldn't even refer to the place by name. Out there, I called it.

— Dorothy Parker

You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think.

— Dorothy Parker

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch is, and it darts away.

— Dorothy Parker

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

— Dorothy Parker

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

— Dorothy Parker

He [Robert Benchley] and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

— Dorothy Parker

Enjoyed it! One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

— Dorothy Parker

Drink, and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)

— Dorothy Parker

Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

— Dorothy Parker

Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.

— Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.

— Dorothy Parker

It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.

— Dorothy Parker

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

— Dorothy Parker

There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

— Dorothy Parker

The two most beautiful words in the English language are: Check Enclosed.

— Dorothy Parker

Work is the province of cattle.

— Dorothy Parker

If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it's the fact that it's the best you can do that kills you.

— Dorothy Parker

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, / A melody of extemporanea; / And love is a thing that can never go wrong; / And I am Marie of Roumania

— Dorothy Parker

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

— Dorothy Parker

Myrtilla's tripping down the street, In Easter finery. The Easter blooms are not more sweet And radiant-hued than she.

— Dorothy Parker

Pity those in Mammon's thrall, Poor, misguided souls are they, Money's nothing, after all--Make the grocer think that way!

— Dorothy Parker

The best way to keep children home is to make it pleasant—and let the air out of the tires.

— Dorothy Parker

Hollywood money isn’t money. It’s congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

— Dorothy Parker

I love to drink Martinis, / Two at the very most / Three, I’m under the table; / Four, I’m under the host.

— Dorothy Parker

Four be the things I am wiser to know: / Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

— Dorothy Parker

Then if my friendships break and bend, / There’s little need to cry / The while I know that every foe / Is faithful till I die.

— Dorothy Parker

She had spent the golden time in grudging its going.

— Dorothy Parker

Her mind lives tidily, apart / From cold and noise and pain, / And bolts the door against her heart, / Out wailing in the rain.

— Dorothy Parker

By the time you swear you’re his, / Shivering and sighing, / And he vows his passion is / Infinite, undying— / Lady, make a note of this: / One of you is lying.

— Dorothy Parker

Four be the things I’d be better without: / Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

— Dorothy Parker

They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.

— Dorothy Parker