David Letterman

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

— David Letterman

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. [Advice to his guests]

— David Letterman

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

— David Letterman

There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.

— David Letterman

President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.

— David Letterman