Kin Hubbard

It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious.

— Kin Hubbard

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

— Kin Hubbard

Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.

— Kin Hubbard

Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

— Kin Hubbard

Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.

— Kin Hubbard

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

— Kin Hubbard

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

— Kin Hubbard

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.

— Kin Hubbard

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

— Kin Hubbard

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

— Kin Hubbard

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

— Kin Hubbard

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

— Kin Hubbard

It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.

— Kin Hubbard

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.

— Kin Hubbard

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

— Kin Hubbard

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

— Kin Hubbard

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

— Kin Hubbard

After a fellow gets famous it does not take long for someone to bob up that used to sit next to him in school.

— Kin Hubbard

Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.

— Kin Hubbard

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

— Kin Hubbard

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

— Kin Hubbard

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

— Kin Hubbard

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

— Kin Hubbard

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

— Kin Hubbard

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.

— Kin Hubbard

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

— Kin Hubbard

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

— Kin Hubbard

A loafer always has the correct time.

— Kin Hubbard

All the world loves a good loser.

— Kin Hubbard

It's the good loser who finally loses out.

— Kin Hubbard

The safest way to double your money is to fold over once and put it in your pocket.

— Kin Hubbard

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

— Kin Hubbard

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

— Kin Hubbard

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

— Kin Hubbard

Politics makes strange postmasters.

— Kin Hubbard

I do not look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.

— Kin Hubbard

If there is anything a public servant hates to do it is something for the public.

— Kin Hubbard

It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.

— Kin Hubbard

I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.

— Kin Hubbard

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

— Kin Hubbard

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.

— Kin Hubbard

Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.

— Kin Hubbard

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

— Kin Hubbard

Why doesn't the fellow who says, I'm no speechmaker let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

— Kin Hubbard

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

— Kin Hubbard

Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.

— Kin Hubbard

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

— Kin Hubbard

We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.

— Kin Hubbard

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

— Kin Hubbard

The world gels better every day -- then worse again in the evening.

— Kin Hubbard

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

— Kin Hubbard

Ther's allus been leap years, but I doubt if any o' us ever knowed a case where any girl ever actually took advantage o' th' privilege an' asked any feller point blank t' marry her. Ther's allus been a lot o' hintin' an' beatin' around th' bush an' hypnotizin' an' vampin', but I don't believe any girl ever blurted out a straight proposal. But now that we've been emancipated, I look fer a lot o' radical changes.

— Kin Hubbard

The evening of October thirty-one is Hallowe'en or Nut Crack Night. It is clearly a relic of pagan times but it is still very popular. It is a night set apart for walking about and playing harmless pranks, such as placing the hotel omnibus on top of the Baptist church or plugging the milkman's pump.

— Kin Hubbard

When th' summer landscape takes on a scuffed an' faded appearance like a over exposed ten dollar suit we know we are face t' face with dog days, that midsummer season o' th' year when all livin' things jist sorter peter out an' langour rules supreme in shop an' mart an' field.

— Kin Hubbard

What's th' sense o' exhaustin' all th' pleasures o' life durin' th' first few months o' courtship? Why not save a few pleasures t' look forward t' after you've satisfied th' instalment houses? Marriage at best is quite a comedown fer most any girl, 'specially if her engagement period wuz one long an' riotous dream.

— Kin Hubbard

Th' great national curse t'day is over-eatin'. We do not only eat too much, but we devote too much time thinkin' about eatin'. . . . Ever'where we look there's a eatin' place. . . . Wherever ther's population enough t' fill a few stools we find a great brazen coffee urn an' a stack of buns.

— Kin Hubbard

Women are so used t' takin' things home on approval, an' makin' things over, an' exchangin' things, an' takin' things back, that they use th' same system with husbands. They jest reason that they kin take a man an' if they don't like him they kin dump him. Sometimes they try t' make him over. Men don't hanker fer divorces as much as women do. They hain't home much an' besides they kin get away with a double life better'n a woman.

— Kin Hubbard

Bein' poor never holds stylish people back.

— Kin Hubbard

There may be a few things about a success that haint generally known, but ther's never no secrets about a failure.

— Kin Hubbard

You've got t' be fifty-nine years ole t'believe a feller is at his best at sixty.

— Kin Hubbard

It seems like th' only way t' reach a ripe an' peaceful ole age is just t' be downright an' everlastin'ly worthless.

— Kin Hubbard