Bob Hope

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

— Bob Hope

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

— Bob Hope

I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap.

— Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it.

— Bob Hope

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

— Bob Hope

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

— Bob Hope

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

— Bob Hope

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -- not the great occasions -- that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

— Bob Hope

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

— Bob Hope

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. [About Russia]

— Bob Hope

I do benefits for all religions -- I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

— Bob Hope

You know marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

— Bob Hope

It feels great to be 95. I mean, for those parts of me that still have feeling.

— Bob Hope

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren’t penalized for being on grass.

— Bob Hope