Johnny Carson

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

— Johnny Carson

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

— Johnny Carson

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

— Johnny Carson

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

— Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

— Johnny Carson

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: Are your ready?

— Johnny Carson

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

— Johnny Carson

Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and “Storms suck!

— Johnny Carson

May all your genes be recessive!

— Johnny Carson

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.

— Johnny Carson

The difference between love and lust is that lust never costs over two hundred dollars.

— Johnny Carson