Quotes by Bierce, Ambrose

"Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."

Bierce, Ambrose on abstinence
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"Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."

Bierce, Ambrose on absurdity
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"Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on."

Bierce, Ambrose on advice   

"Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit."

Bierce, Ambrose on age and aging
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"Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience."

Bierce, Ambrose on debt   

"Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on."

Bierce, Ambrose on deliberation   

"Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure."

Bierce, Ambrose on destiny   

"Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."

Bierce, Ambrose on diplomacy   

"Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries."

Bierce, Ambrose on divorce   

"Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship."

Bierce, Ambrose on dogs
3 fans of this quote   

"Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard."

Bierce, Ambrose on drugs   

"Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire."

Bierce, Ambrose on duty   

"Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding."

Bierce, Ambrose on education
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"Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me."

Bierce, Ambrose on egotism   

"An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!"

Bierce, Ambrose on egotism   

"Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience."

Bierce, Ambrose on enthusiasm   

"Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age."

Bierce, Ambrose on experience   

"Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."

Bierce, Ambrose on experience
3 fans of this quote   

"Faith. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

Bierce, Ambrose on faith
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"Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed."

Bierce, Ambrose on fidelity
6 fans of this quote   

"Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."

Bierce, Ambrose on food and eating
4 fans of this quote   

"To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense."

Bierce, Ambrose on forgiveness   

"A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker."

Bierce, Ambrose on funerals   

"Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured."

Bierce, Ambrose on the future   

"The gambling known as business looks with severe disfavor on the business known as gambling."

Bierce, Ambrose on gambling   

"Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third."

Bierce, Ambrose on alliances   

"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."

Bierce, Ambrose on ambition   

"Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own."

Bierce, Ambrose on ancestry   

"Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C."

Bierce, Ambrose on gossip   

"Habit is a shackle for the free."

Bierce, Ambrose on habit   

"Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others."

Bierce, Ambrose on happiness
6 fans of this quote   

"An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools."

Bierce, Ambrose on history and historians   

"Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip."

Bierce, Ambrose on history and historians   

"Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state."

Bierce, Ambrose on immigration   

"Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy."

Bierce, Ambrose on art   

"Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table."

Bierce, Ambrose on insurance   

"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity."

Bierce, Ambrose on irreverence   

"Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke."

Bierce, Ambrose on jokes and jokers   

"Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify."

Bierce, Ambrose on knowledge   

"Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable."

Bierce, Ambrose on laughter