Quotes by Kin Hubbard

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Frank McKinney Hubbard (born 1 September 1868 in Bellefontaine, Ohio - died: 26 December 1930 in Indianapolis, Indiana) was an American cartoonist, humorist, and journalist better known by his pen name "Kin" Hubbard.

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It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious.

Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
The safest way to double your money is to fold over once and put it in your pocket.
It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.
After a fellow gets famous it does not take long for someone to bob up that used to sit next to him in school.
Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.
All the world loves a good loser.
It's the good loser who finally loses out.
Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Politics makes strange postmasters.
I do not look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
If there is anything a public servant hates to do it is something for the public.
It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.
I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.
When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.
Why doesn't the fellow who says, I'm no speechmaker let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?
A loafer always has the correct time.
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.
You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.
Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
You've got t' be fifty-nine years ole t'believe a feller is at his best at sixty.
There may be a few things about a success that haint generally known, but ther's never no secrets about a failure.
The world gels better every day -- then worse again in the evening.
Ther's allus been leap years, but I doubt if any o' us ever knowed a case where any girl ever actually took advantage o' th' privilege an' asked any feller point blank t' marry her. Ther's allus been a lot o' hintin' an' beatin' around th' bush an' hypnotizin' an' vampin', but I don't believe any girl ever blurted out a straight proposal. But now that we've been emancipated, I look fer a lot o' radical changes.
The evening of October thirty-one is Hallowe'en or Nut Crack Night. It is clearly a relic of pagan times but it is still very popular. It is a night set apart for walking about and playing harmless pranks, such as placing the hotel omnibus on top of the Baptist church or plugging the milkman's pump.
It seems like th' only way t' reach a ripe an' peaceful ole age is just t' be downright an' everlastin'ly worthless.
When th' summer landscape takes on a scuffed an' faded appearance like a over exposed ten dollar suit we know we are face t' face with dog days, that midsummer season o' th' year when all livin' things jist sorter peter out an' langour rules supreme in shop an' mart an' field.
What's th' sense o' exhaustin' all th' pleasures o' life durin' th' first few months o' courtship? Why not save a few pleasures t' look forward t' after you've satisfied th' instalment houses? Marriage at best is quite a comedown fer most any girl, 'specially if her engagement period wuz one long an' riotous dream.
Th' great national curse t'day is over-eatin'. We do not only eat too much, but we devote too much time thinkin' about eatin'. . . . Ever'where we look there's a eatin' place. . . . Wherever ther's population enough t' fill a few stools we find a great brazen coffee urn an' a stack of buns.
Women are so used t' takin' things home on approval, an' makin' things over, an' exchangin' things, an' takin' things back, that they use th' same system with husbands. They jest reason that they kin take a man an' if they don't like him they kin dump him. Sometimes they try t' make him over. Men don't hanker fer divorces as much as women do. They hain't home much an' besides they kin get away with a double life better'n a woman.

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