Quotes by Jon Stewart

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I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.
The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
The Oscars is really I guess the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party.
They always throw around this term “liberal elite.” And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right: what’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?