Quotes by Elayne Boosler

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I can tell by your eye shadow, you’re from Brooklyn, right? … Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.

I love my parents and they’re wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.
I’m so compulsive about losing weight, I weigh myself after I cough.