When I was young I felt really overwhelmed and confused by the desire not to end up in an office, doing something I didn't believe in.
Like, at first it's fine and you think you have a dark side- it's exciting. And then you realise the dark side wins every time.
When you're a real introvert like me and you've been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It's a real disease.