Quotes by Mark Simpson

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Mark Simpson is a British journalist, writer, and broadcaster specialising in pop culture, media, and masculinity. He has been described by one critic as "the skinhead Oscar Wilde". Simpson is a frequent commentator on British TV shows.

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The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis - because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they’re pretty much everywhere.

It’s a straightforward matter of equality: it’s outrageously unfair that heterosexuals shoulder alone the burden of keeping divorce lawyers in Italian sports cars
Gays have become the unpaid secretaries of desire, filing and cataloguing human weakness. Promiscuity is now a form of bureaucracy. Tedious, eye-straining, number-crunching slave work
Every man would suck his own penis if he could, but that’s why God gave every man except Jeff Stryker a penis shorter than his backbone - to make sure they expended an awful lot of energy doing other things to get blow jobs. Things that might seem to some rather daft and pointless otherwise, but without which the world would be a duller place - things such as rock ‘n’ roll, politics, cunnilingus, religion, and odd-jobs around the home.
Every night was wet jockstrap night (without the jockstrap) at the Roman baths, and especially well-endowed bathers were likely to be greeted with a round of applause. During the reign of notorious size-queen Emperor Elagabalus, those who hung low at the baths were promoted to high office

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