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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes - Quotations Book

Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
There is no such thing as "fun" for the whole family.
Frankly, I don't believe people think of their office as a workplace anyway. I think they think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
A dog will stay stupid. That’s why we love them so much.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

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