Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

Share Your Quotes Join Us Inspire & Move Your Friends

How do you feel today?    I feel ...

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Frankly, I don't believe people think of their office as a workplace anyway. I think they think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.