Quotes by Steven Wright

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How do you feel today?    I feel ...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before
I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

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