Quotes by Twain, Mark

"The human race has but one really affective weapon, and that is laughter."

Twain, Mark on laughter
8 fans of this quote   

"Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least."

Twain, Mark on laughter
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"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."

Twain, Mark on laughter
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"To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do."

Twain, Mark on law and lawyers   

"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read."

Twain, Mark on law and lawyers   

"Never let formal education get in the way of your learning."

Twain, Mark on learning
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"Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you."

Twain, Mark on learning
4 fans of this quote   

"A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught."

Twain, Mark on lies and lying   

"A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants."

Twain, Mark on lies and lying
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"I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won t."

Twain, Mark on lies and lying
6 fans of this quote   

"One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives."

Twain, Mark on lies and lying
5 fans of this quote   

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head."

Twain, Mark on life
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"Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

Twain, Mark on life
3 fans of this quote   

"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."

Twain, Mark on anger
21 fans of this quote   

"Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough."

Twain, Mark on appearance   

"It is nobler to be good, and it is nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble!"

Twain, Mark on aristocracy   

"That's what an army is -- a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers."

Twain, Mark on army and navy   

"There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought --a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!"

Twain, Mark on loneliness
11 fans of this quote   

"Be good and you will be lonely."

Twain, Mark on loneliness
10 fans of this quote   

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size."

Twain, Mark on losers and losing
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"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."

Twain, Mark on majority
4 fans of this quote   

"The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying."

Twain, Mark on manners   

"Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it."

Twain, Mark on marriage
4 fans of this quote   

"Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins."

Twain, Mark on art   

"The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nation, and from the mass of the nation only -- not from its privileged classes."

Twain, Mark on masses   

"Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment."

Twain, Mark on materialism
3 fans of this quote   

"There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here."

Twain, Mark on media   

"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not."

Twain, Mark on memory
6 fans of this quote   

This quotation can be viewed in the context of a book

"If you are speaking the truth you don't have to remember anything."

Twain, Mark on memory
5 fans of this quote   

"Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance."

Twain, Mark on moderation
3 fans of this quote   

"The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf."

Twain, Mark on modesty   

"The lack of money is the root of all evils."

Twain, Mark on money   

"I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position."

Twain, Mark on money   

"His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine."

Twain, Mark on money   

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

Twain, Mark on mothers
9 fans of this quote   

"From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF."

Twain, Mark on motives   

"There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry."

Twain, Mark on music   

"Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought -- by force of circumstances, not argument -- to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them."

Twain, Mark on nations   

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country."

Twain, Mark on nations
6 fans of this quote   

"Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it."

Twain, Mark on nations
3 fans of this quote