Quotes by Mark Twain

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Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 April 21, 1910), better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was a famous and popular American humorist, novelist, writer and lecturer. more

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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.
Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!
Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.
Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
We are all alike, on the inside.
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered -- either by themselves or by others.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law.
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death.
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.
History is strewn thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill, but a lie, well told, is immortal.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together. There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred million years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes.
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.
All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
The way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
To stop smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know; I've done it a thousand times.
Familiarity breeds contempt; and children.
Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty --the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients, no, three, I think -- yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead -- and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead and then they would be honest so much earlier.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought --a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
Be good and you will be lonely.
Everyone is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.
When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

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