Quotes by Bierce, Ambrose

"Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones."

Bierce, Ambrose on law suits   

"Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree."

Bierce, Ambrose on laziness   

"Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious."

Bierce, Ambrose on learning   

"Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay."

Bierce, Ambrose on life   

"Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous."

Bierce, Ambrose on acquaintance
3 fans of this quote   

"Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

Bierce, Ambrose on acquaintance
3 fans of this quote   

"An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

Bierce, Ambrose on acquaintance   

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

Bierce, Ambrose on anger
27 fans of this quote   

"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money."

Bierce, Ambrose on architecture   

"Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking."

Bierce, Ambrose on army and navy   

"A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

Bierce, Ambrose on love
11 fans of this quote   

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"A man is known by the company he organizes."

Bierce, Ambrose on management   

"Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination."

Bierce, Ambrose on marriage   

"The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity."

Bierce, Ambrose on marriage   

"Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two."

Bierce, Ambrose on marriage   

"Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live."

Bierce, Ambrose on medicine   

"An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws."

Bierce, Ambrose on misfortunes   

"Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH."

Bierce, Ambrose on names   

"Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness."

Bierce, Ambrose on nuns   

"A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills."

Bierce, Ambrose on oceans   

"Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly."

Bierce, Ambrose on optimism
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"An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white."

Bierce, Ambrose on optimism   

"Patience. A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue."

Bierce, Ambrose on patience
9 fans of this quote   

"Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name."

Bierce, Ambrose on patriotism   

"Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting."

Bierce, Ambrose on peace
6 fans of this quote   

"A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success."

Bierce, Ambrose on perseverance   

"Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket."

Bierce, Ambrose on philanthropists   

"A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."

Bierce, Ambrose on philosophers and philosophy
5 fans of this quote   

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"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."

Bierce, Ambrose on philosophers and philosophy
7 fans of this quote   

This quotation can be viewed in the context of a book

"Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well."

Bierce, Ambrose on physicians   

"To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result."

Bierce, Ambrose on planning   

This quotation can be viewed in the context of a book

"Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy."

Bierce, Ambrose on politeness   

"What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country."

Bierce, Ambrose on politics   

"Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world."

Bierce, Ambrose on atheism   

"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."

Bierce, Ambrose on praise   

"Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."

Bierce, Ambrose on praise   

"Pray. To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."

Bierce, Ambrose on prayer
4 fans of this quote   

"A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support."

Bierce, Ambrose on prejudice   

"Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery."

Bierce, Ambrose on prophecy   

"Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office."

Bierce, Ambrose on public office