Quotes by Joan Rivers

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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes -- and six months later you have to start all over again.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
When the rabbi said, “Do you take this woman?” sixteen guys said, “We have.”
Marry rich. Buy him a pacemaker, then stand behind him and say “boo.”