Quotes by Joan Rivers

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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes -- and six months later you have to start all over again.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
When the rabbi said, “Do you take this woman?” sixteen guys said, “We have.”
Marry rich. Buy him a pacemaker, then stand behind him and say “boo.”