Quotes by Mencken, H. L.

"One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly more intelligent."

Mencken, H. L. on laughter   

"A judge is a law student who grades his own papers."

Mencken, H. L. on law and lawyers
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"Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them."

Mencken, H. L. on law and lawyers   

"Legend : a lie that has attained the dignity of age."

Mencken, H. L. on legend   

"The idea that leisure is of value in itself is only conditionally true. The average man simply spends his leisure as a dog spends it. His recreations are all puerile, and the time supposed to benefit him really only stupefies him."

Mencken, H. L. on leisure   

"I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone."

Mencken, H. L. on liberty   

"The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe."

Mencken, H. L. on lies and lying   

"Lying is not only excusable; it is not only innocent; it is, above all, necessary and unavoidable. Without the ameliorations that it offers, life would become a mere syllogism and hence too metallic to be borne."

Mencken, H. L. on lies and lying   

"Life is a dead-end street."

Mencken, H. L. on life   

"Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them."

Mencken, H. L. on love   

"Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another."

Mencken, H. L. on love   

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."

Mencken, H. L. on love
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"To be in love is merely to be in a perpetual state of anesthesia."

Mencken, H. L. on love   

"If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself."

Mencken, H. L. on marriage   

"Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest."

Mencken, H. L. on marriage   

"For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end."

Mencken, H. L. on marriage   

"Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on."

Mencken, H. L. on women   

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"A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition."

Mencken, H. L. on women
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"Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier."

Mencken, H. L. on women   

"Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago."

Mencken, H. L. on women   

"A metaphysician is one who, when you remark that twice two makes four, demands to know what you mean by twice, what by two, what by makes, and what by four. For asking such questions metaphysicians are supported in oriental luxury in the universities, and respected as educated and intelligent men."

Mencken, H. L. on physics   

"The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation of being well-to-do."

Mencken, H. L. on money   

"The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated."

Mencken, H. L. on money   

"Time is the great equalizer in the field of morals."

Mencken, H. L. on morality   

"Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong."

Mencken, H. L. on morality   

"The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught."

Mencken, H. L. on morality   

"The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral."

Mencken, H. L. on music   

"A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man."

Mencken, H. L. on nuns   

"Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian."

Mencken, H. L. on opera   

"A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable."

Mencken, H. L. on originality   

"Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it."

Mencken, H. L. on patriotism
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"Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself."

Mencken, H. L. on philosophers and philosophy
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"There is no record in history of a happy philosopher."

Mencken, H. L. on philosophers and philosophy   

"The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it."

Mencken, H. L. on pleasure   

This quotation can be viewed in the context of a book

"Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love."

Mencken, H. L. on pleasure   

"Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives."

Mencken, H. L. on bachelor   

"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too."

Mencken, H. L. on bachelor   

"It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin."

Mencken, H. L. on bachelor   

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"Nothing is so abject and pathetic as a politician who has lost his job, save only a retired stud-horse."

Mencken, H. L. on politics   

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed [and Hence Clamorous To Be Led To Safety] by an endless series of hobgoblins."

Mencken, H. L. on politics