Quotes by Lewis, Joe E.

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."

Lewis, Joe E. on food and eating   

"Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest."

Lewis, Joe E. on friends and friendship   

"I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points."

Lewis, Joe E. on gambling   

"I always wake up at the crack of ice."

Lewis, Joe E. on alcohol and alcoholism   

"I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin."

Lewis, Joe E. on alcohol and alcoholism
3 fans of this quote   

"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."

Lewis, Joe E. on alcohol and alcoholism   

"I drink to forget I drink."

Lewis, Joe E. on alcohol and alcoholism
4 fans of this quote   

"I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise."

Lewis, Joe E. on alcohol and alcoholism   

"It pays to get drunk with the best people."

Lewis, Joe E. on alcohol and alcoholism   

"You only live once -- but if you work it right, once is enough."

Lewis, Joe E. on life
10 fans of this quote   

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink."

Lewis, Joe E. on animals   

"Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on."

Lewis, Joe E. on maturity
3 fans of this quote   

"They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses."

Lewis, Joe E. on medicine   

"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."

Lewis, Joe E. on memory   

"It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor -- as long as you've got money."

Lewis, Joe E. on money   

"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."

Lewis, Joe E. on money   

"I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves."

Lewis, Joe E. on money   

"Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum."

Lewis, Joe E. on poverty and the poor   

"Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people."

Lewis, Joe E. on speakers and speaking   

"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love."

Lewis, Joe E. on taxes and taxation
3 fans of this quote   

"You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough."

Lewis, Joe E. on youth
3 fans of this quote