Said Nestor, to his pretty wife, quite sorrowful one day, "Why, dearest, will you shed in pearls those lovely eyes away? You ought to be more fortified;" "Ah, brute, be quiet, do, I know I'm not so fortyfied, nor fiftyfied, as you!"
To justify the festive cup What horrors here are conjured up! What things of bitter bite and sup, Poor wretched Twenty-One's! No landed lumps, but frumps and humps, (Discretion's Days are far from trumps) Domestic discord, dowdies, dumps, Death, dockets, debts, and duns!
So mayst thou live, dear! many years, In all the bliss that life endears, Not without smiles, nor yet from tears Too strictly kept: When first thy infant littleness I folded in my fond caress, The greatest proof of happiness Was this--I wept.
Sure, of all days that ever were dated,
Valentine's Day is the fullest of news;
Then ev'ry lass expects to be mated And Cupid goes round collecting his dues! And levies a door-rate, like parish or poor-rate, By getting the Postman to stand in his shoes.
And ye, who have met with Adversity's blast, And been bow'd to the earth by its fury; To whom the Twelve Months, that have recently pass'd, Were as harsh as a prejudiced jury,--Still, fill to the Future! and join in our chime, The regrets of remembrance to cozen, And having obtained a New Trial of Time,
Shout in hopes of a kindlier dozen!
Now to christen the infant Kilmansegg,
For days and days it was quite a plague, To hunt the list in the Lexicon: And scores were tried like coin by the ring, Ere names were found just the
proper thing For a minor rich as a Mexican.
See drinkers of water, their wits never lacking, Direct as a railroad and smooth in their gaits; But look at the bibbers of wine, they go tacking, Like ships that have met a foul wind in the straights.
Gin! Gin! a Drop of Gin! Oh! then its tremendous temptations begin, To take, alas! To the fatal glass,--And happy the wretch that it does not win To change the black hue Of his ruin to blue--While Angels sorrow, and Demons grin--And lose the rheumatic Chill of his attic By plunging into the Palace of Gin!