Quotes by W. S. Gilbert

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How do you feel today?    I feel ...

It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs.

The idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own.
I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule.
You have no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself; and how little I deserve it.
Things are seldom what they seem.
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.
I love my fellow creatures -- I do all the good I can -- yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!
My family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering.
In enterprise of martial kind, when there was any fighting, he led his regiment from behind -- he found it less exciting.
Matrimonial devotion doesn't seem to suit her notion.
Darwinian man, though well-behaved, at best is only a monkey shaved.
I always voted at my party's call, and I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
Down went the owners -- greedy men whom hope of gain allured: oh, dry the starting tear, for they were heavily insured.