Quotes by Ben Elton

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Ben Elton (born May 3, 1959) is an English comedian and writer. Born in Catford, London of an immigrant family of academics (he is the nephew of the historian G. R. Elton), he studied at Godalming Grammar School and the University of Manchester. He became a stand-up comedian and comedy writer shortly after leaving university in 1980, and was a central figure in the alternative comedy scene in the early 1980s. He has also achieved success writing musicals.

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If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.

People who get through life dependent on other people's possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.
Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.
“I see dull people as projects ... to be reformed”
The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.

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