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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Quotations Book

Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield (November 22, 1921 October 5, 2004), born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the line "I don't get no respect" and his monologues on that theme.

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

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