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  Quotes by Dangerfield, Rodney




Rodney Dangerfield (November 22, 1921 October 5, 2004), born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the line "I don't get no respect" and his monologues on that theme..

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

Dangerfield, Rodney on age and aging
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"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people."

Dangerfield, Rodney on food and eating    Share

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"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

Dangerfield, Rodney on jealousy    Share

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"My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!"

Dangerfield, Rodney on marriage    Share

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"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."

Dangerfield, Rodney on marriage    Share

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"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

Dangerfield, Rodney on respectability    Share

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"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."

Dangerfield, Rodney on sex
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"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

Dangerfield, Rodney on children    Share

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"I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself."

Dangerfield, Rodney on confession    Share

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