Quotes by Allen, Woody

Woody Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg on December 1, 1935) is a three-time Academy Award-winning American film director, writer, actor, musician, and comedian. His large body of work and cerebral film style have made him one of the most widely respected and prolific filmmakers in the modern era. Allen writes and directs his movies and has also acted in the majority of them. For inspiration, Allen draws heavily on literature, philosophy, psychology, European cinema and, most important, New York City, where he was born and in which he has lived all his life..

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

Allen, Woody on illusion
15 fans of this quote

"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"

Allen, Woody on dream
6 fans of this quote

"I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot."

Allen, Woody on drugs
6 fans of this quote

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead."

Allen, Woody on food and eating
5 fans of this quote

"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

Allen, Woody on history and historians
7 fans of this quote

"In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows."

Allen, Woody on hollywood
8 fans of this quote

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

Allen, Woody on immortality
19 fans of this quote

"I've never been an intellectual but I have this look."

Allen, Woody on intelligence and intellectuals
6 fans of this quote

"Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable."

Allen, Woody on life
14 fans of this quote

"Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats."

Allen, Woody on animals
8 fans of this quote

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

Allen, Woody on love
62 fans of this quote

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."

Allen, Woody on love
68 fans of this quote

"The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.."

Allen, Woody on marriage
8 fans of this quote

"Marriage is the death of hope."

Allen, Woody on marriage
14 fans of this quote

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats."

Allen, Woody on maturity
5 fans of this quote

"I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

Allen, Woody on physics
6 fans of this quote

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Allen, Woody on money
4 fans of this quote

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

Allen, Woody on movies
4 fans of this quote

"I am at two with nature."

Allen, Woody on nature
6 fans of this quote

"It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic."

Allen, Woody on possibilities
3 fans of this quote

"Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime."

Allen, Woody on punishment
5 fans of this quote

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

Allen, Woody on reason
6 fans of this quote

"My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else."

Allen, Woody on regret
9 fans of this quote

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

Allen, Woody on relationship
13 fans of this quote

"If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe."

Allen, Woody on risk
14 fans of this quote

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things."

Allen, Woody on science
5 fans of this quote

"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."

Allen, Woody on sex
24 fans of this quote

"A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires."

Allen, Woody on sex
4 fans of this quote

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

Allen, Woody on skepticism
8 fans of this quote

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

Allen, Woody on success
5 fans of this quote

"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun."

Allen, Woody on body
4 fans of this quote

"I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."

Allen, Woody on club
5 fans of this quote

"Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue."

Allen, Woody on comedy and comedians

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

Allen, Woody on comedy and comedians
4 fans of this quote

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies."

Allen, Woody on crime and criminals

"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Allen, Woody on death
7 fans of this quote

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down."

Allen, Woody on death

"I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

Allen, Woody on death
3 fans of this quote

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