Quotes by George Burns

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George Burns---in the 1950s, at the height of Burns & Allen's fame---the greatest straight man in American comedy.

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I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
Life's but a day at most.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
If I’d taken my doctor’s advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn’t have lived to go to his funeral.
I did have a talent—and I was married to her for 38 years.
The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired.
If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

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