"They sicken at the calm that know the storm."

Parker, Dorothy on Adversity
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"Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."

Parker, Dorothy on Wit
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"Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live."

Parker, Dorothy on Suicide
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"All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me."

Parker, Dorothy on Autobiography
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"She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."

Parker, Dorothy on Acting and Actors
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"Drink, and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)"

Parker, Dorothy on Parties
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"Enjoyed it! One more drink and I'd have been under the host."

Parker, Dorothy on Parties
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"He [Robert Benchley] and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery."

Parker, Dorothy on Office
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"Scratch a lover, and find a foe."

Parker, Dorothy on Lovers
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"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch is, and it darts away."

Parker, Dorothy on Love
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"I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn."

Parker, Dorothy on Apathy
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"You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think."

Parker, Dorothy on Leaders and Leadership
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"Gratitude -- the meanest and most sniveling attribute in the world."

Parker, Dorothy on Gratitude
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"I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true."

Parker, Dorothy on Gossip
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"Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness."

Parker, Dorothy on Etiquette
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"The two most beautiful words in the English language are: Check Enclosed."

Parker, Dorothy on Words
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