"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."

Twain, Mark on smile
6 fans of this quote   

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."

Twain, Mark on prayer
8 fans of this quote   

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

Twain, Mark on politics
7 fans of this quote   

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country."

Twain, Mark on nations
6 fans of this quote   

"His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine."

Twain, Mark on money   

"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not."

Twain, Mark on memory
6 fans of this quote   

This quotation can be viewed in the context of a book

"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."

Twain, Mark on anger
21 fans of this quote   

"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."

Twain, Mark on laughter
9 fans of this quote   

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

Twain, Mark on speech   

"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics."

Twain, Mark on statistics
4 fans of this quote   

"The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them."

Twain, Mark on books - reading
17 fans of this quote   

"So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment. "

Twain, Mark on uncategorised   

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. "

Twain, Mark on uncategorised   

"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."

Twain, Mark on customers   

"When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one."

Twain, Mark on compliments
3 fans of this quote   

"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see, I have friends in both places."

Twain, Mark on commitment
5 fans of this quote   

"Never do wrong when people are looking."

Twain, Mark on wrong
5 fans of this quote   

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

Twain, Mark on world
8 fans of this quote   

"I do not like work even when someone else does it."

Twain, Mark on work
4 fans of this quote   

"A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words... the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt."

Twain, Mark on words
4 fans of this quote   

"An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop.... I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen."

Twain, Mark on words   

"Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."

Twain, Mark on weather
3 fans of this quote   

"Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest."

Twain, Mark on knowledge   

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made School Boards."

Twain, Mark on idiots
8 fans of this quote   

"Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired."

Twain, Mark on humankind
8 fans of this quote   

"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean."

Twain, Mark on adversity
29 fans of this quote   

"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

Twain, Mark on death
49 fans of this quote   

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."

Twain, Mark on dissent
28 fans of this quote   

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

Twain, Mark on education
53 fans of this quote   

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

Twain, Mark on example
8 fans of this quote   

"I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey."

Twain, Mark on evolution
24 fans of this quote   

"I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting."

Twain, Mark on exercise
16 fans of this quote   

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."

Twain, Mark on facts
43 fans of this quote   

"I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher."

Twain, Mark on fools and foolishness
30 fans of this quote   

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

Twain, Mark on health
10 fans of this quote   

"To stop smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know; I've done it a thousand times."

Twain, Mark on habit
12 fans of this quote   

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

Twain, Mark on gratitude
21 fans of this quote   

"We have the best government that money can buy."

Twain, Mark on government
6 fans of this quote   

"Golf is a good walk spoiled."

Twain, Mark on golf
8 fans of this quote   

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."

Twain, Mark on age and aging
9 fans of this quote