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If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.

One secures the gold of the spirit when he finds himself.
Thinking and Thought: Thoughts are funny little things, They can make paupers or make kings.
Every goal, every action, every thought, every feeling one experiences, whether it be consciously or unconsciously known, is an attempt to increase one's level of peace of mind.
It is not the hours we put in on the job, it is what we put into the hours that counts.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
You can fake an orgasm, but you can't fake laughter.
Always try to do something for the other fellow and you will be agreeably surprised how things come your way -- how many pleasing things are done for you.
It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.
It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance, sweeps away all obstacles.
When you affirm your own rightness in the universe, then you co-operate with others easily and automatically as part of your own nature. You, being yourself, helps others be themselves. Because you recognize your own uniqueness you will not need to dominate others, nor cringe before them
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself, if it be a lie, laugh at it.
It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
God hath entrusted me with myself.
For it is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death and hardship.
No man is free who is not a master of himself.
Any thought that is passed on to the subconscious often enough and convincingly enough is finally accepted.
These repetitive words and phrases are merely methods of convincing the subconscious mind.
It is man that makes truth great, not truth that makes man great.
You have your thought and I have mine. Your thought advocates Judaism, Brahmanism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam. In my thought there is only one universal religion, whose varied paths are but the fingers of the loving hand of the Supreme Being. You have your thought and I have mine. Mine is the thought of him who is lost in his own country, of the alien in his own nation, of the solitary among his kinfolk and friends.
To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do.
Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured and far away. It is not important that he should mature as soon as an apple tree or an oak.
Beauty in not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
People of genius whenever they are faced with misfortune find resources within themselves.
Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best.
Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
So wie die Verruecktheit in einem hoeheren Sinn, der Anfang aller Weisheit ist, so ist die Schizophrenie der Anfang aller Kunst, aller Phantasie. (As insanity in a higher sense, is the beginning of all wisdom, so is schizophrenia the beginning of all art, all fantasy.)
One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time.
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
We have inherited the past; we can create the future.
If you've never failed you've never tried.
Do not fear mistakes -- there are none.
When I die, I want people to play my music, go wild and freak out and do anything they want to do.
A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability. The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
Life flows on within you and without you.
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
Cynicism is indeed negative for your mind, but if you can allow it as your cloud to your sunshine, then it may strengthen you to see the truth.
Don't play what's there, play what's not there.
I like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities.
The most fearful unbelief is unbelief in your self.
Only from the heart Can you touch the sky.
If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.
The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.
Sometimes legends make reality, and become more useful than the facts.
Our lives teach us who we are.
The man who really wants to do something finds a way, the other finds an excuse.
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
The many faces of intimacy: the Victorians could experience it through correspondence, but not through cohabitation; contemporary men and women can experience it through fornication, but not through friendship.
Men are afraid to rock the boat in which they hope to drift safely through life's currents, when, actually, the boat is stuck on a sandbar. They would be better off to rock the boat and try to shake it loose, or, better still, jump in the water and swim for the shore.
The proverb warns; Don't bite the hand that feeds you. But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself.
Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily; and why older persons, especially if vain or important, cannot learn at all.
The society based on production is only productive, not creative.
Truly fertile Music, the only kind that will move us, that we shall truly appreciate, will be a Music conducive to Dream, which banishes all reason and analysis. One must not wish first to understand and then to feel. Art does not tolerate Reason.
All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.
To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
Truthful words are not beautiful; beautiful words are not truthful. Good words are not persuasive; persuasive words are not good.
Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of unhappiness.
When the best leader's work is done the people say, We did it ourselves.
If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; if God talks to you, you are a schizophrenic.
Knowledge is gained by learning; trust by doubt; skill by practice; love by love.
The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days.
Modern man thinks he loses something - time - when he does not do things quickly. Yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains -- except kill it.
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
The man who has no imagination has no wings.
Childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day.
What call thou solitude? Is not the earth with various living creatures, and the air replenished, and all these at thy command to come and play before thee?
Narcissist: psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst; considered to be the manifestation of a dire mental disease whose successful treatment depends on the patient learning to love the analyst more and himself less.
The system isn't stupid, but the people in it are.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
In the past, men created witches; now they create mental patients.
When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute -- then it's longer than any hour. That's relativity!
The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.
The pioneers of a warless world are the young men and women who refuse military service.
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery everyday. Never lose a holy curiosity.
He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.
All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination.
It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.
The healthy man does not torture others -- generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.
We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.
It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.
What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you.
The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them
Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized.
All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.
How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.
We should take care not to make the intellect our god: it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.
Everything changes, nothing remains without change.
To know is nothing at all; to imagine is everything.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
One must not attempt to justify them, but rather to sense their nature simply and clearly.
Once upon a time all the animals in the zoo decided that they would disarm, and they arranged to have a conference to arrange the matter. So the Rhinoceros said when he opened the proceedings that the use of teeth was barbarous and horrible and ought to be strictly prohibited by general consent. Horns, which were mainly defensive weapons, would, of course, have to be allowed. The Buffalo, the Stag, the Porcupine, and even the little Hedgehog all said they would vote with the Rhino, but the Lion and the Tiger took a different view. They defended teeth and even claws, which they described as honourable weapons of immemorial antiquity. The Panther, the Leopard, the Puma, and the whole tribe of small cats all supported the Lion and the Tiger. Then the Bear spoke. He proposed that both teeth and horns should be banned and never used again for fighting by any animal. It would be quite enough if animals were allowed to give each other a good hug when they quarreled. No one could object to that. It was so fraternal, and that would be a great step towards peace. However, all the other animals were very offended with the Bear, and the Turkey fell into a perfect panic. The discussion got so hot and angry, and all those animals began thinking so much about horns and teeth and hugging when they argued about the peaceful intentions that had brought them together that they began to look at one another in a very nasty way. Luckily the keepers were able to calm them down and persuade them to go back quietly to their cages, and they began to feel quite friendly with one another again.
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.
We are what we think. All that we are arises With our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
If you have knowledge, let others light their candles with it.
The empires of the futures are the empires of the mind.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.
The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.
Imagination is a poor matter when it has to part company with understanding.
Silence is the great teacher, and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it. There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that come from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence. The great Sufi poet Rumi wrote, Only let the moving waters calm down, and the sun and moon will be reflected on the surface of your being.
Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.
You are quaffing drink from a hundred fountains: whenever any of these hundred yields less, your pleasure is diminished. But when the sublime fountain gushes from within you, no longer need you steal from the other fountains.
We are told never to cross a bridge till we come to it, but this world is owned by men who have crossed bridges in their imagination far ahead of the crowd.
Inside you there's an artist you don't know about. He's not interested in how things look different in moonlight.
If there be no enemy there's no fight. If no fight, no victory and if no victory there is no crown.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Men are more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.
Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.
Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.
I will grow. I will become something new and grand, but no grander than I now am. Just as the sky will be different in a few hours, its present perfection and completeness is not deficient, so am I presently perfect and not deficient because I will be different tomorrow. I will grow and I am not deficient.
If you would take, you must first give, this is the beginning of intelligence.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
A woman past forty should make up her mind to be young; not her face.
To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, and love.
Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.
Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.
Only the person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others.
What most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal.
If I am what I have and if I lose what I have who then am I?
The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much.
Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.
When somebody gives you a sexy look, you know they're trying. It's terrible! But when you smile, it's so much sexier!

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