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If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
You can't lead a cavalry if you think that you look funny riding a horse.
A rich man's joke is always funny.
Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny.
To love a thing means wanting it to live.
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship, never.
The cure for all the ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows, and the crimes of humanity, all lie in that one word Love. It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life.
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.
It's a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
If one desires a change, one must be that change before that change can take place.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Deprived of meaningful work, men and women lose their reason for existence; they go stark, raving mad.
Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend -- or a meaningful day.
It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.
The guy has baggy pants, flat feet, the most miserable, bedraggled-looking little bastard you ever saw; makes itchy gestures as though he's got crabs under his arms -- but he's funny.
Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway.
It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
Love comes from blindness, friendship from knowledge.
Real love stories never have endings.
Not all of us have to possess earthshaking talent. Just common sense and love will do.
Love, and do what you like.
What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels.
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Love's greatest gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred.
Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible -- it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.
Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
The motto of chivalry is also the motto of wisdom; to serve all, but love only one.
If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.
The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're still alive.
Love can never grow old. Locks may lose their brown and gold. Cheeks may fade and hollow grow. But the hearts that love will know, never winter's frost and chill, summer's warmth is in them still.
Love thou the rose, yet leave it on its stem.
Take away love and our earth is a tomb.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.
Real love is a pilgrimage. It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists.
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. [I Corinthians]
Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable.
Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough.
Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.

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