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How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a single word you say.

We may give advice, but not the sense to use it.
We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves.
In a completely sane world, madness is the only freedom!
There is a remedy for everything; it is called death.
Death always comes too early or too late.
Life is a dream walking death is a going home.
None of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
The racism, the sexism, I never let it be my problem, it's their problem. If I see a door comin' my way, I'm knockin' it down. And if I can't knock down the door, I'm sliding through the window. I'll never let it stop me from what I wanna do.
Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.
The true Republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Ambition is the last refuge of failure.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Anybody can make history. Only a great man can write it.
Life is just a dirty four-letter word: W-O-R-K.
The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.
Youth has become a class.
Older women are best, because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things.
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
Marriage is the death of hope.
I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil.
Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.
There are no facts, only interpretations.
Fear is the mother of morality.
If New York is the Big Apple, tonight Hollywood is the Big Nipple.
New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.
If you're not in New York, you're camping out.
The anarchist and the Christian have a common origin.
We are franker towards others than towards ourselves.
Dullness is the coming of age of seriousness.
One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.
Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer.
She is absolutely inadmissible into society. Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit.
Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is usually Judas who writes the biography.
Despotism is unjust to everybody, including the despot, who was probably made for better things.
Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
One can survive everything nowadays, except death, and live down anything except a good reputation.
The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence.
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
Where there is no extravagance there is no love, and where there is no love there is no understanding.
We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible.
Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.

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