"Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take."

Billings, Josh on Advice
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"Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected."

Billings, Josh on Advice
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"I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else."

Billings, Josh on Age and Aging
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"In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us."

Billings, Josh on Age and Aging
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"Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so."

Billings, Josh on Debt
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This quotation can be viewed in the context of a book

"Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into."

Billings, Josh on Debt
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"When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime."

Billings, Josh on Eloquence
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"There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying."

Billings, Josh on Exaggeration
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"Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been."

Billings, Josh on Experience
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"Experience increases our wisdom but doesn't reduce our follies."

Billings, Josh on Experience
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"If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety."

Billings, Josh on Faith
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"Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed."

Billings, Josh on Flattery
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"There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won t."

Billings, Josh on Fools and Foolishness
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"Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit."

Billings, Josh on Fools and Foolishness
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"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way."

Billings, Josh on Fools and Foolishness
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"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness."

Billings, Josh on Forgiveness
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"A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates."

Billings, Josh on Friends and Friendship
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"The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide."

Billings, Josh on Glutton
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"A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug."

Billings, Josh on Happiness
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"If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles. Safe on her own nose all the time."

Billings, Josh on Happiness
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"There's lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven't got time to enjoy it."

Billings, Josh on Health
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"Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread."

Billings, Josh on Honesty
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"The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod."

Billings, Josh on Humility
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"Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool."

Billings, Josh on Incredulity
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"I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so."

Billings, Josh on Knowledge
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"Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves."

Billings, Josh on Knowledge
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"The trouble with most folks ain't so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain't so."

Billings, Josh on Knowledge
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"Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb."

Billings, Josh on Life and Living
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"Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined."

Billings, Josh on Life and Living
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"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."

Billings, Josh on Life and Living
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"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself."

Billings, Josh on Animals
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"The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear."

Billings, Josh on Anxiety
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"Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do."

Billings, Josh on Love
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"As a general thing, when the woman wears the pants in the family, she has a good right to them."

Billings, Josh on Marriage
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"The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout."

Billings, Josh on Medicine
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"Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got."

Billings, Josh on Men and Women
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"I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money."

Billings, Josh on Money
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"Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel."

Billings, Josh on Mother-in-Laws
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"Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first."

Billings, Josh on Music
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"If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself."

Billings, Josh on Perfection
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