"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

Allen, Woody on Disillusion
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 7 fans >>

"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"

Allen, Woody on Dreams
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot."

Allen, Woody on Drugs
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead."

Allen, Woody on Food and Eating
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 2 fans >>

"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

Allen, Woody on History and Historians
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 4 fans >>

"In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows."

Allen, Woody on Hollywood
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 6 fans >>

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

Allen, Woody on Immortality
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 16 fans >>

"I've never been an intellectual but I have this look."

Allen, Woody on Intelligence and Intellectuals
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable."

Allen, Woody on Life and Living
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 9 fans >>

"Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats."

Allen, Woody on Animals
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 6 fans >>

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

Allen, Woody on Love
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 21 fans >>

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."

Allen, Woody on Love
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 24 fans >>

"The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.."

Allen, Woody on Marriage
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 5 fans >>

"Marriage is the death of hope."

Allen, Woody on Marriage
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 10 fans >>

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats."

Allen, Woody on Maturity
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

Allen, Woody on Metaphysics
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 4 fans >>

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Allen, Woody on Money
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 2 fans >>

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

Allen, Woody on Movies
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"I am at two with nature."

Allen, Woody on Nature
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic."

Allen, Woody on Possibilities
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 2 fans >>

"Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime."

Allen, Woody on Punishment
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 4 fans >>

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

Allen, Woody on Reason
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 5 fans >>

"My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else."

Allen, Woody on Regret
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 7 fans >>

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

Allen, Woody on Relationships
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 4 fans >>

"If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe."

Allen, Woody on Risk
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 9 fans >>

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things."

Allen, Woody on Science and Scientists
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."

Allen, Woody on Sex
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 18 fans >>

"A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires."

Allen, Woody on Sex
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

Allen, Woody on Skepticism
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 7 fans >>

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

Allen, Woody on Success
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 4 fans >>

"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun."

Allen, Woody on Body
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."

Allen, Woody on Club
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue."

Allen, Woody on Comedy and Comedians
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 0 fans >>

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

Allen, Woody on Comedy and Comedians
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 3 fans >>

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies."

Allen, Woody on Crime and Criminals
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 1 fans >>

"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Allen, Woody on Death and Dying
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 6 fans >>

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down."

Allen, Woody on Death and Dying
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 1 fans >>

"I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

Allen, Woody on Death and Dying
Talk about quote · Email to friend · 2 fans >>